fucking come on and break the door down. i'm ready.

Japan and I are in a fight; a Cold War of sorts. You know, things started out so nicely. I had a little crush back in my formative days (okay fine, a big crush. Puppy love, that sort of thing). She was so beautiful and intriguing, full of mystery and newness, and when I was with her, I felt happy and comfortable and alive.

When did things start to go wrong? I suppose I've gotten to know her better. She may be pretty on the outside, but now I know her to be self-absorbed, wracked with insecurities, cold and harsh at times, phony and deceptive at others. I'm different now too; less trusting, more cynical. Maybe that's the problem. Instead of waiting to be swept off my feet by her, I kept pushing back, asking tough questions, looking behind curtains and jabbing with skepticism.

In any case, now we're officially in a fight. Sometimes I give her the silent treatment, but she doesn't really notice (selfish bitch, who does she think she is?). Sometimes I relent a little and try to see things from her point of view, and then we can get along for a couple of days, but then she'll just go and piss me off again, or maybe hurt my feelings in that inexplicable way that she does, and then we're back to square one. It's kind of an abusive relationship.

I'm not sure if we'll ever really smooth things out. At best, I'm hoping for mutual cohabitation in which we don't constantly try to scratch each others' eyes out. Maybe one of these days she'll show me a side of her I hadn't seen before, or maybe I'll grow to see her with new eyes again. Somehow I doubt it, but who knows. We all have some work to do in the meantime.